A Trilogy
Rising Anyway
Part I · Still Standing (Barely)
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Part I  ·  Still Standing (Barely)
Woke up on the wrong side of my own mind again
Got a war inside my chest that I can't win
I been fighting all my demons with my bare hands
But they know me better than I understand
Something's pulling at the thread I barely hold
And I'm fraying at the edges, getting cold
I keep saying I'll be better when the morning comes
But the morning just reminds me what I've done
I know what I'm doing, I just can't stop
I'm standing at the ledge and I can't back off
I say I'm fine but I feel the weight
Of a man who's running out of room to break
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm the storm, I'm the debris
I tear it down and then I ask the Lord why nothing grows
I keep coming back around
To the fire, to the ground
Can't save myself from the one thing I can't let go
I lose control
Got a mirror on the wall that I avoid
'Cause the man looking back looks like he's destroyed
But I built him with my own two steady hands
Brick by brick until he crumbled where he stands
I been praying on my knees to something greater
But I'm still the one who calls the demons later
I know the cost, I know the price I've paid
But I keep signing checks my soul can't make
I know what I'm doing, I just can't stop
I'm standing at the ledge and I can't back off
I say I'm fine but I feel the weight
Of a man who keeps forgetting how to change
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm the storm, I'm the debris
I tear it down and then I ask the Lord why nothing grows
I keep coming back around
To the fire, to the ground
Can't save myself from the one thing I can't let go
I lose control
Maybe I was built for this kind of pain
Maybe I just like the feel of the rain
Or maybe I'm just scared of what I'd be
If I ever stopped fighting me
'Cause who am I without the war?
What do I do when there's nothing left to destroy anymore?
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm the storm, I'm the debris
I tear it down and then I ask the Lord why nothing grows
I keep coming back around
To the fire, to the ground
Can't save myself from the one thing I can't let go
I said I can't — I can't let go
Lord knows I've tried...
I lose control
Part II  ·  What's Left
The smoke cleared sometime around 3 AM
I'm sitting in the quiet I created again
Broken glass and broken words all over the floor
A man who finally ran out of war
No more fire left to feed, no more fight
Just the damage and the dawn coming in with the light
I used to need the chaos just to feel alive
But I don't even recognize the man who survived
And I can't keep blaming the storm
When I'm the one who opened the door
So I just sit here in the still
And face the wreckage like a man finally will
This is what's left
When the smoke clears and the dust settles down
This is what's left
Just a man on his knees on holy ground
No more running, no more war to fight
Just the truth standing naked in the light
This is what's left
This is what's left of me
I see the marks I left on everything I touched
People I pushed away when they tried to love
Hands that built and tore down in the same breath
A heart that confused surviving with death
I been so busy losing I forgot to grieve
All the versions of myself I couldn't keep
But something feels different in this silence today
Like maybe broken is just another word for changed
And I can't keep fighting the light
When the darkness was never really mine
So I just breathe and let it in
And feel what it's like to begin
This is what's left
When the smoke clears and the dust settles down
This is what's left
Just a man on his knees on holy ground
No more running, no more war to fight
Just the truth standing naked in the light
This is what's left
This is what's left of me
I thought surrender meant I lost
I didn't know it was the only way across
From the man I was
To the man I'm supposed to be
Maybe what's left
Is actually enough
Maybe the breaking
Was always making room
This is what's left
When the smoke clears and the dust settles down
This is what's left
Just a man on his knees on holy ground
No more running, no more war to fight
Just the truth standing naked in the light
This is what's left...
Lord, let it be enough
What's left of me
Part III  ·  Rising Anyway
Got scars that haven't learned to lie yet
Still wearing every war I couldn't quit
The mirror doesn't flinch from what it shows me
And for once I don't look away from it
These hands are rough from all the wrong I've handled
But they're steady now in ways they've never been
I don't need to understand the whole road forward
Just enough light to take the next step in
I ain't healed, I'm just honest
I ain't whole, I'm just trying
But trying is something I forgot I knew
And that's enough to get me through
I'm rising anyway
Not because the pain is gone
Not because I finally got it right
I'm rising anyway
With the weight still on my chest
With the memory of every fight
I don't have to be unbroken to begin
I just gotta rise anyway
Again
Used to think that starting over meant erasure
Burn it down and build from something clean
But everything I am is in the rubble
And I need it all to know what strength can mean
So I'm taking every scar into the future
Not as chains but as a map of where I've been
A man who went to war against himself and lost
And found himself on the other end
I ain't fixed, I'm just moving
I ain't new, I'm just chosen
Chosen to keep going when it's hard
That's the bravest thing by far
I'm rising anyway
Not because the pain is gone
Not because I finally got it right
I'm rising anyway
With the weight still on my chest
With the memory of every fight
I don't have to be unbroken to begin
I just gotta rise anyway
Again
I could've stayed down
Lord knows the ground felt like home
I could've stayed down
It's all I'd ever known
But something in me
Quieter than the war
Louder than the shame
Said
Get up
Get up
Get up anyway
I'm rising anyway
Not because the pain is gone
Not because I finally got it right
I'm rising anyway
With the weight still on my chest
With the memory of every fight
I don't have to be unbroken to begin
I said get up...
Rise anyway...
Again and again and again...
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